It's been 4 weeks...

4 weeks, and I still don't know how I'm feeling about all of it. I wish I had been able to fix things, make him love me better, make me stop acting like an idiot. I wish I had been able to see the future, to know what was to come out of all of it, and to know just how much I really should have put into it.

I learned yesterday that my ex, two ex's ago, still gets upset whenever our relationship gets brought up, and that he is still hurt by the fact that we broke up, and he says he doesn't even know why it ended! It's been three years since we broke up and I thought that it would finally be at the point where he had moved on and that he was OK about not being together, but he's not. I don't want this to happen again.

Even though I was hurt multiple times through all of this, I'm sick of hurting people back. It's not what God wants me to do. But the other side of that is, I have no clue what God wants me to be doing. I have no idea what is in store for me.

I know I revisit the topic of being lost and confused often, but it is something that is on my mind more often than not, so that's why it's a topic of journaling a lot of the time. I really just want someone to tell me what is in store for my life because about a month ago I thought I had it all figured out, and now I am totally confused.