looking back...

the hardest thing for me to do every morning is to get out of bed, to leave that warm soft bed and step out into the cold harsh world, but i know i have to do it, because if i don't i'm going to miss out on all the wonderful things that my day has to bring. Even those days when i don't even feel that great in my warm bed, when i know i've gotten too much sleep, i still don't want to get out of bed, because it's comfortable, it's familiar, it's something that wants me to stay in it. but i know that if i get up, i will feel better and i will be ok leaving my bed. i have to get out of my warm comfortable bed in order to experience all that the world has for me.

it's really hard to leave a place you are so comfortable with...

I wrote this back in November. I was making a decision that I thought I was ready to stick with, but I couldn't stick with it, I had to figure out what it really was that I wanted. And now I really know what I want and he just didn't want the same things and he didn't feel the same way for me. The hardest thing for me to accept is that no matter how much I wish that I can change people, or no matter how much I believe that people can change in a short amount of time, it's not always true. I love him and he still loves me, we're just at different places and no matter how hard I try, I can't force feelings into someone. This is for me, I need to respect myself enough to let it go.
Something that has been really hard for me to actually admit is that I hate being alone. I really don't like not having someone to hug me daily. I think that comes from my mom hugging me every day before I went off to school. A hug is the most important thing for me, and I know that seems somewhat silly, but it really is something that sometimes makes or breaks my day, and to think about not having someone to give me a hug when I need it is one of the saddest things about this whole thing.
But aside from all of that I know I will be ok. I have the greatest friends in the whole world and to know that they are there for me, is all the reassurance I need to know I'm going to be ok. Also, God is always here for me which is the most comforting thing that I have to remember.